Favorite Quotes

A collection of some of my favorite quotes, which also appear randomly in the sidebar:

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There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

— Douglas Adams

I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work, I want to achieve it through not dying.

— Woody Allen

You can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube.

— H.R. Haldeman

I really didn’t foresee the Internet. But then, neither did the computer industry. Not that that tells us very much, of course – the computer industry didn’t even foresee that the century was going to end.

— Douglas Adams

When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities.

— Matt Groening

I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.

— Mark Twain

It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.

— Harry S. Truman

We seem to have a compulsion these days to bury time capsules in order to give those people living in the next century or so some idea of what we are like. I have prepared one of my own. I have placed some rather large samples of dynamite, gunpowder, and nitroglycerin. My time capsule is set to go off in the year 3000. It will show them what we are really like.

— Alfred Hitchcock

He hoped and prayed that there wasn’t an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn’t an afterlife.

— Douglas Adams, Life, the Universe and Everything

Think occasionally of the suffering of which you spare yourself the sight.

— Albert Schweitzer
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